sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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