I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize