I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
