still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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