Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
