that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
