It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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