I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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