I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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