I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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