i need an iv and a liver transplant
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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