just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
