peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
