distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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