I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
