when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
