mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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