my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
