i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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