Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
