I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
