It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
