i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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