You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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