I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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