Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
