Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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