barbara walters just said penis...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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