Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
