My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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