Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
