Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
