Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
