Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
