If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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