the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize