I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
