I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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