Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
