Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize