We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
