If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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