Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
