What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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