fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
