is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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