You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
