She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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