I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
