Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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