Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
