No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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