I love black thongs
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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