Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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