It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
