We won't sleep together?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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