Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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