i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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