Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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