she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Boobs are out for the taking
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
