How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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