Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish you could order shots online.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
