have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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