OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
try to milk me bitch
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
